I cant wait another fucking year just to escape.
Who the fuck are you trying to convince? Us or yourself? Am i the only one who realizes that its not completely horrible in this town? The only one who realizes that even if we lived somewhere else we would still want something better than what we have? Put that into your head and let it soak in. Maybe you'll understand that this city is better than some out there. Although i hate these nights at home, im not going to same something drastic without thinking (i know, its a first). You need to realize that what you have is never good enough. you have to have more, ask for more, and im either really annoyed right now or im getting fed up with this shit.
and its funny how you can know someone for years and all it takes is one let down after another (and not saying a fucking thing about it) for things you never thought annoyed you to emerge. you never really think about it till it pops in your head every few minutes and you get entirely pissed off.
the same thing with you can know a guy for half a year and suddenly hes becomes something more to you. it just clicks. you dont really know why and you want to ignore it becuase hes your friend, but you suddenly look at him in an entirely different view. but i need to ignore this. this is the 2nd time today. i cant love you, and i cant imagine what you would say if i said i was falling for you and i dont want to think about it.
why cant i just be happy with what i have for once? why cant i just be content with every good thing going on, i want more but i dont want to open my mouth up about it. i want someone there for me, to actually show me that theres a decent boy just for me. we're not just falling in love anymore, we're demanding it.
and every finger is pointing to you but all you can see is me running away from you, running away from what i really want.
